Tired of holding your monocle with your off-hand (or your exhausted facial muscles)? Ever wish you could have a cup of tea on demand? Want to sport the latest in technology while still flaunting the fashions of yesteryear? This is the hat for you!
Introducing the TopBot-- the most stylish top hat you've ever seen! Featuring a rotatable array of monocles (small, large, and night vision), state-of-the-art steam powered tea pot and cup (complete with doily), full mustache groomery kit (with brush, clippers, and curling iron), and birdcage for the finest of your feathered friends*. You can even pledge your allegiance to her majesty all the time by proudly waving the Union Jack from the top of your top hat (not ideal billowing weather? No problem! Just activate the attached fan!).
What are you dilly-dallying for? Purchase the TopBot today! It's the top top hat around!
*bird not included